New Zealand is apparently the most boring place in the world.
Kudos to NZ TV channels for financing original shows, filmed in local towns and suburbs, with local dialect and what are apparently local concerns, but I don’t particularly care if Kirsty from butt-fuck nowhere, NZ, is annoyed by her neighbour’s kids whipping handmade fabric whips all day and stopping her young son from getting his daily “kip”.
This barely-there contentious point between two people on a suburban street was the subject of an entire 30 minute episode of the cleverly title “Neighbours at War”.
Now, beyond the fact that the argument itself is about as interesting as two old people arguing over a bun at a nursing home (actually, that might be next week’s episode), think about the fact that the kids in this particular part of New Zealand are going crazy over standing in their front yards and cracking home made whips. The woman brought in to resolve the tension (apparently from Maori Tv’s “Ask an Aunty”, which sounds incredibly compelling), suggested that the women just wait until the whipping craze is surpassed by the newly imported krumping craze (?).
NZ “Highway Patrol”, “Border Patrol”, “Neighbours at War”, all smack of a country that is somehow even more boring than Australia, at least when put in front of a camera. Beautiful landscapes, the extreme sports/hobbies centre of the world, a country that just invented the fucking jetpack, and we’re watching two women call each other fat dogs over children whipping rolled up bed-sheets.
New Zealand, give those children jetpacks and let them fly from snow-capped mountain tops to battle each other to death with real whips while the two women and the lady from “Ask an Aunty” paint their faces, perform the haka and call for the blood of the loser to rain from the sky. Then you’d have a TV show.
1/5
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